Abuse and violence can occur in any relationship, regardless of gender or sexuality.
This includes same sex relationships, straight relationships, and relationships between diverse genders and or any other combinations of people.
Domestic abuse/violence is based on the control over another person. It is based on an assiduous and systematic debasing of another persons self worth, freedom and personal safety. Domestic Abuse/violence can be attributed to any person.
SSDAG takes the stance that domestic abuse / violence can occur in any relationship and can be committed by any person and can enacted towards any person.
Sexuality or gender is irrelevant!
Research all over the world has indicated that abuse does occur in DSG relationships, and this has been clearly demonstrated by the private lives report on the health and wellbeing of Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex (GLBTI) Australians conducted in 2005, "A disturbingly high percentage (33%) of respondents in this sample reported having been in a relationship where the partner was either verbally or physically abusive." (Pitts et al: 2005, Private Lives; La Trobe University, p. 12).
TYPES OF ABUSIVE AND VIOLENT BEHAVIOURS
Emotional Abuse
Harassment, blame, intimidation, manipulation, not allowing you to see your family and friends, put-downs, threatening to 'out' you or disclose your sexuality, threatening to disclose HIV status, name calling, threats to commit suicide if the partner leaves or reports the abuse.
Financial Abuse
Withholding money, controlling finances, stealing.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual Assault, Withholding sex as a form of punishment, threats of unwanted sexual acts.
Spiritual / Religious Abuse
Forcing you to attend or denying your right to attend religious or spiritual ceremonies.
Physical Abuse
Punching, slapping, pushing and shoving, withholding medication, biting, hitting and unwanted physical acts, deliberate dangerous driving, threats to hurt including pets and children.
Stalking
Following you around, unwanted text messaging and phone calls, waiting outside your home or workplace, sending unwanted letters and emails.
MYTHS AND FACTS
MYTH: The abuse that occurs between partners of the same sex must be mutual - the assumption that it is just 'boys being boys' or 'two women having a catfight'.
FACT: Domestic Abuse/violence is about one partner trying to assert and maintain power and control over another partner. Just because there are two people of the same sex in an intimate relationship, does not mean that abuse is mutual.
Even if the abused partner defends themselves against the abuse, this does not ever make the abuse mutual.
MYTH: The victim deserved the abuse
FACT: The violent / abusive partner will often justify their abuse as being the result of provocation. Provocation is never an excuse!
No one ever deserves abuse, and it is not appropriate nor an acceptable way to deal with a problem in a relationship. It will not help solve a problem; it will only worsen a situation.
MYTH: Women are not violent
FACT: Studies have shown that women can and do commit serious acts of violence and abuse. To ignore this reality is to undermine the experience of many men and women who have experienced abuse from a female partner.
MYTH: If the abuse is not physical, then it is not as serious
FACT: Abuse does not have to be physical to have an impact. When an individual is being continually criticized, humiliated and degraded, it can leave the person at the same emotional level as someone who has been physically assulted.
MYTH: Drugs and alcohol are the causes of domestic violence.
FACT: Many people who are abusive/violent will use reasons such as using alcohol, drugs or stress as their trigger for abusive behaviour or the fact that they have been previously abused. But these factors are never acceptable and there is never any reasonable excuse! Many people who abuse others hide behind these issues.
MYTH: The gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/intersex/queer community is so small - If I try to access help, everyone will find out.
FACT: There are a wide range of professional organisations that can assist you. And it is important to remember that you do not have to access a DSG community organisation to get support. But if you do choose to access a DSG community group / individual there is no reason to suggest that your privacy would ever be betrayed. Professional DSG groups / individuals are fully aware of you privacy concerns.
MYTH: Sadomasochism and bondage forms part of my relationship - If I am in the submissive role then I am being abused.
FACT: Whilst sadomasochism and bondage involve being under the control of another person, it is about fantasy sharing which can only be consensual and done under conditions that are supportive, trusting and with a high degree of communication. If the person in the submissive/bottom role has consented to the activity and continues to consent and feel comfortable throughout the activity, then the act is not considered abusive. However, using sadomasochism to justify abusive non-consensual behaviour is not acceptable.
MYTH: The police and the criminal justice system will not provide me with the same level of assistance as individuals in heterosexual relationships.
FACT: The current Western Australian legislation on domestic violence does not discriminate on the basis of gender and sexuality. Domestic violence is described as physical and sexual violence, emotional abuse, threats, intimidation, financial and spiritual abuse that is directed towards any person by their partner or member of their family.
This includes anyone that you have had an intimate relationship with - you do not have to be living with them. Same sex couples are eligible to apply for a Violence Restraining Order, and can report the abuse to the police. If you have experienced discrimination from the police or are not happy with their response to your situation, call Community Diversity Services, listed in the support section.
IMPORTANT NOTICE
If you have an urgent enquiry, please refer to our Support link (above) where you will find contact details for support services.
